Life doesn’t present stones to bruise your
soul,
But challenges to leap, to make you whole.
Embrace each dawn with eyes anew,
With a heart wide open, and goals to pursue.
May tomorrow's light guide you on your way,
Bringing you nearer to your goals each day.
Chapter 1: Serena
If you’re reading this, it means I’ve passed on. I’m Serena Raye Sanchez, and I penned this diary back when I was in my late 30s, a time when my hair was starting to grey, and my body was beginning to show signs of aging. In my youth, I was considered quite attractive, sporting light brown or sometimes burgundy hair, depending on the dye I chose at the time. Honestly, I can’t even recall what my natural hair color is anymore, but I can confidently say I was never a blonde. I’ve always had a slim figure and striking hazel eyes, a trait I got from my mother.
My mom, Maria, had a rich heritage, being both Irish and Mexican, while my dad, Scott, was of Caucasian descent. I also have a younger sister, Caroline, who is happily married and has two kids of her own. As I pen down these thoughts in my diary, I can't help but reflect on the fact that both my parents have passed away, may they rest in peace. I have three daughters: Sarah, Salem, and Shari. It’s funny how all their names start with an S, just like mine. Before diving in, I should mention that this diary covers all the crushes and romances I've had over the years. Think of it as a bit of a confession, though I’m pretty sure some people wouldn’t forgive me if they stumbled upon it. I may be dead, and it doesn’t bother me, but it will hurt my family. Despite everything, I am and always will remain the person people knew and loved regardless of my flaws. No one’s perfect and not everyone walks the righteous path so I do have Haters that will always judge but that doesn’t matter, not anymore. There was a time when I believed everyone had a soulmate, a spiritual twin somewhere out there. Finding him or her may take a person a Lifetime but people do find each other, some do that is. When I was younger and single, I was totally into soap operas and really enjoyed them. I often found myself daydreaming about meeting my Knight, my Angel, or my Soulmate. But before diving into that, I should mention my first crush, which might not excuse my later choices but definitely gives a glimpse into who I used to be. So, let’s rewind to high school, where I encountered my first major crush on a guy named Alex Romero. He had a bit of a following, with dark brown hair, light hazel eyes, and clear skin, he stood around five foot five back then, but I’m sure he grew taller as time went on. I used to think he was flawless, but looking back, I realized I was wrong. As for myself, I had my own struggles. I was a bit on the heavier side, especially in the rear department, what I affectionately called, "junk in the trunk." Combine that with my low self-esteem and a hefty dose of shyness, and you’ve got a recipe for some seriously awkward times during those years.
I wasn't really the kind of girl Alex would notice or date; I was pretty average in looks. Still, I had a huge crush on him. And no, we never had sex, and I didn't even think about it. Why? Because I was brought up in a strict conservative Mexican family. Yes, there are conservative Mexican families out there, contrary to what some may believe. I didn't look like the girls he was into, and I wasn't eager to lose my virginity, so I held myself back. I believed that when I met the person, the right one, I’d know it. The first time I laid eyes on Alex: It was like a refreshing gust of wind ruffling my hair, that one instant when a new thread was added to the intricate fabric of my life, a moment that would forever hold significance for me. Alex and I were in the same English class, and there I was, caught without any paper to jot down my essay. So, I turned to him and asked if he could spare me a sheet. He said, “Hi,” and handed me a few sheets of paper. Our eyes met and something happened, at least for me it did. “Who is this guy talking to me? He is so cute,” I thought to myself. My mouth dropped, my heart skipped a beat, I got that feeling in my stomach, butterflies. I've definitely had my share of crushes on guys before. Back in middle school, I liked two boys, Chuck and Simon, but they always went for the thinner, cuter girls. I thought Alex was different, or at least I hoped so. If I had looked like those other girls, he liked maybe we could have been a couple and gotten closer, but my low self-esteem always held me back.
