(this is an excerpt from my book, Saints and Sinners: Affairs of the Heart. Chapter 3: Three Year Affair)
My story starts in January 2012. I was in my late 40’s and surprisingly in good shape! I thought for sure that menopause would have made me into one of those grumpy, middle-aged, bitter ladies whose body betrayed her but that wasn't the case. I did my best to keep my weight down and to this day, I keep trying. I had actually signed up for Facebook two years ago, but that's not where I crossed paths with Greg. It was through a social platform called My Yearbook. Before I go on, I should mention that my husband and I were facing some challenges in our relationship at that time, as marriages often have their fair share of highs and lows. No one’s perfect and we all succumb to temptation at one point in our lives. Of course, that's no excuse and I’m not making any excuses. If other women judge another woman because they had succumbed to a moment of weakness, then they should be cautious of whom they judge. Just saying. Continuing, I decided to sign up for the "My Yearbook" social network as a way to have some fun and connect with new people. I already had Facebook, but that was more for keeping in touch with family and close friends. I must confess, I enjoy flirting, especially since I felt like I wasn't getting the attention I deserved from my husband at home. Deep down, I had this fear that once I hit 50, my body would start to change, I wouldn't be as slim anymore, and sex would no longer be a priority for me. Menopause is a natural phase that every woman experiences, and it often brings about a decrease in sexual desire for most women. It's a common phenomenon that I've come across in conversations with friends and acquaintances. Many women simply prefer to steer clear of any sexual activities during this period. Curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to engage in some harmless online flirting without any ulterior motives. Little did I know that one day, a man would send me a private message that would change things up a bit. “Hi, my name is Greg. I would like to get together and talk to you. I want to get to know you. You’re very beautiful and sexy. I think you have beautiful eyes.”
I was flattered of course but I remained skeptical because unlike the rest of the men who flirted with me and showed me their private pictures, he only had an old picture of himself of when he was in the military as a profile picture. No matter how many times I tried to convince him that I wouldn't judge his appearance, he refused to send me an updated picture of himself. He said that he wants to remain a mystery until I agree to meet him.
Well, for a whole month we’d
tease each other and flirted online. I never contacted him through Facebook. I
kind of figured that he had a Facebook page but for some reason I never could
find him, I later found out he blocked me, for whatever reason that was. I
think he wanted it that way. Before I engage in an intimate relation with
anyone, I usually like to assess their connections and see who they associate
with. It's just my way of ensuring transparency and avoiding any potential
deception. In February, we met at a nearby fast-food joint. Now, you might be
wondering why I agreed to meet him in the first place. Let me tell you, it was
a result of a massive argument I had with my husband. Our fight revolved mainly
around financial matters, and I had simply reached my breaking point. He
shouted at me, accusing me of lacking support, and that's when I decided to meet
Greg in person.
To be honest, I've always tried my hardest to back my husband up in any financial decisions he made, however those choices only ended up making the situation worse! Regrettably, his decisions often led us into even stickier situations. He never considered the wise advice I offered him; instead, he would simply go ahead and do whatever he believed would yield positive results financially. We even resorted to borrowing money from sources that eventually came back to haunt us. I felt unappreciated, drained and restless. My restlessness was due to the lack of connection I had with my husband. I know, most women would have considered a divorce or maybe not. My poor lack of judgement led me to cheat. I didn't want a divorce because my kids were still in school. They would not understand the situation. The thought of going through a divorce was absolutely devastating, knowing that it would completely shatter their lives. With this heavy burden on my mind, I decided to meet Greg. As I sat there by myself, sipping on a cup of coffee, I couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and anticipation for the arrival of this mysterious man I had only encountered online. Inside the restaurant, there were a few other individuals enjoying their breakfast, creating a bustling atmosphere. The weight of the situation made me feel uneasy, as I anxiously glanced at the clock. It had already been ten minutes past the agreed meeting time, and I couldn't help but wonder if something had gone wrong or if Greg had changed his mind about meeting me.
“Oh well, he decided not to come. Maybe I should
leave.” I thought. A part of me was relived and
thanking God he didn't show up. I was gathering my stuff when I saw a man walk
in. He was about 5’9”, at 180 pounds. He looked like an average, middle age
ex-military man, with a receding hairline. Brown hair and brown eyes. He glanced
around the restaurant.
“Shit, that can’t be him?” I thought. I glanced at him and looked away. I contemplated the idea of standing up and making my exit. If he questioned my identity as I was walking out, I had planned to deceive him by providing a false name. It dawned on me that I should have followed through with that plan. Surprisingly, cheating no longer held the same appeal it once did considering that I was less than impressed by his appearance. As he glanced towards me, I responded with a nervous smile. He recognized me, as I had used recent photos of myself. “Damn it!” I thought. I gulped. “Hi, are you Marissa?” he asked. I looked at him. “Yes, I am” I answered.
“Wow, I didn't expect that you’d look so good!” He shook my hand and sat down. Many women enhance their appearance on social media by using filters and editing tools, but I choose to stay real. I forced a smile, feeling uneasy. Against my better judgment, I decided to stay out of politeness and refrained from canceling on him.
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